love my flaws, because I do

I’m not perfect. 

I have deep rooted emotional issues I am constantly working on, and always will be. There are things I am still trying to get over, and others I have accepted will always be my baggage. They effect every single aspect of my life in some way. But I’ve come to learn and love, they are one of the biggest parts of me. They are why I love and nurture the way that I do, the reasons why I give peoples more chances than they ever deserved and the reason why I always try and see the good in people (to a fault) as we never know what trauma has shaped who they are today.

Despite trying so hard not to, I care way too much what people think about me. I don’t want to come of as clingy or dramatic, but I also refuse to hold back. I spent too much of my life being forced to hold back what I was feeling when I was the most upset and to wear what everyone else was just so I could blend in and not have unwanted attention on myself. I like a lot of the same things as everybody else. But I also love a lot of different things. Things that people find me weird for. I’m not going to hide it. Even if I show different sides of my personality to different people, its all me.

I get overly excited about the things and people I love the most. Some people say I come on too strong, but its because I love hard. So hard and don’t know any other way. This is how I am and despite trying to change and care less, I can’t. If I love you, I love you with every part of me. I worry about you being okay and making better or easier anything I can to help you. Because that’s what I do.

I’ve spent my entire life doing things because I was told to. Because other people wanted me to and because it was just what I was supposed to do. I lost the little part of myself I did know. I questioned everything about myself. Who I really was deep down, what I wanted to be, what I believed in, what I wanted from life. I tried different things, hoping that would help. And it did. It has. 

I’m not the person I thought I would be and at the same time, I’m exactly the person I thought I would be. I’m just learning to do things my way. I’m learning how to embrace myself. How to love myself. How to use what can be considered flaws to my advantage. 

Their my flaws, but they are what make me, me. 

Let me in and maybe I’ll come off as too clingy or obsessed. Maybe I’ll come off as too much drama because of things far out of my own control. But you never know until you try. 

Everyone has their faults, and you do too. No one is perfect in reality. But when someone thinks YOU are perfect, they accept those faults as what makes you that person they love.

What you consider your downfall, I could find your most attractive quality. Just like I hope someone sees me in that light.